# Behold the Kickmen

Summer DB entity ID: 71f8d491\-0a51\-4b67\-82b1\-11478882f735

Steam App ID: 529440

BEHOLD THE KICKMEN started as a silly Twitter joke, and evolved like a beautiful flower into the year's least\-exciting and mostly\-incorrect Football Simulation\. It's football, as seen through the eyes of someone with no understanding of, or interest in, the Laws of Football\.  Start at the bottom of the Big Boring British Football Spreadsheet system and grind your way up, gruelling match after gruelling match, to become the best at the football that anyone's ever seen, and win the World Cup for your mantelpiece\.  FEATURES: Kicking, Passing, Tackling, Squad Management and Doing Goals over and over\. There's even a full Story mode, crammed with overblown melodrama and inane decisions to be made\.        TWO WAYS TO PLAY\!  Hate football? No problem\! The entire game can be re\-skinned at the flip of a switch into a Dystopian Future Bloodsport\!   PLEASE NOTE:  Kickmen has NO ONLINE MULTIPLAYER and NO LOCAL MULTIPLAYER, it's Single Player ONLY\. Please don't buy it thinking it's at all sociable, because it isn't\. Why, you ask? Because I wanted to make a Single Player game, I didn't want to make a Multiplayer game\.

## Game information

- Type: game

- Developer: Size Five Games

- Publisher: Size Five Games

- Release date: Jul 20, 2017

- Coming soon: false

- Free to play: false

- Parent Steam app: Not collected

- Genres: Action, Casual, Indie, Sports

- Categories: Single\-player, Steam Achievements, Partial Controller Support, Family Sharing

- Platforms: windows, mac

- Website: Not collected

- Screenshots: https://shared\.akamai\.steamstatic\.com/store\_item\_assets/steam/apps/529440/ss\_d3a9f240a19aab4dac4b6621e8a02eb4c7946484\.1920x1080\.jpg?t=1501851055, https://shared\.akamai\.steamstatic\.com/store\_item\_assets/steam/apps/529440/ss\_92a8629f227991c612038b4c4ad46aebd403d828\.1920x1080\.jpg?t=1501851055, https://shared\.akamai\.steamstatic\.com/store\_item\_assets/steam/apps/529440/ss\_1647d283051df183c4b5e7b1ffaa073e5115ab8b\.1920x1080\.jpg?t=1501851055, https://shared\.akamai\.steamstatic\.com/store\_item\_assets/steam/apps/529440/ss\_2c0da6f4f1eba1c96e695774bea01911b7e7b2b8\.1920x1080\.jpg?t=1501851055, https://shared\.akamai\.steamstatic\.com/store\_item\_assets/steam/apps/529440/ss\_ec15874fdc58844adea2a8c22dc75e0491942f2b\.1920x1080\.jpg?t=1501851055, https://shared\.akamai\.steamstatic\.com/store\_item\_assets/steam/apps/529440/ss\_a97107d9cf3569e432adc1dd8aa2cc336d9410bf\.1920x1080\.jpg?t=1501851055

- Price: 399 minor units USD; discount 0%

- Price country: US

## Observed metrics

- Current players: 0

- Steam review count: 526

- Steam positive reviews: 408

- Steam negative reviews: 118

- Steam positive percentage: 77.56653992395437%

- Summer DB rating: No native votes

Review filters: \{"language":"all","review\_type":"all","purchase\_type":"all","filter\_offtopic\_activity":0\}

## Player history

[Seven-day chart data as Markdown](/api/v1/entities/71f8d491-0a51-4b67-82b1-11478882f735/player-metrics?days=7&format=markdown) · [JSON](/api/v1/entities/71f8d491-0a51-4b67-82b1-11478882f735/player-metrics?days=7)

Chart values are hourly observed maxima. The sampled 24-hour peak and missing intervals carry explicit coverage; history before collection is unknown.

## Sources and freshness

- Catalog membership: store\_catalog

- Catalog observed: 2026\-09\-28T16:58:32\.455488\+00:00

- Details observed: 2026\-09\-22T15:07:16\.208385\+00:00

- Player count observed: 2026\-09\-22T15:07:17\.873263\+00:00

- Reviews observed: 2026\-09\-22T15:07:17\.596575\+00:00

Full provenance: \{"urls":\{"price":"https://store\.steampowered\.com/app/529440/","catalog":"https://api\.steampowered\.com/IStoreService/GetAppList/v1/","details":"https://store\.steampowered\.com/app/529440/","players":"https://api\.steampowered\.com/ISteamUserStats/GetNumberOfCurrentPlayers/v1/?appid=529440","reviews":"https://store\.steampowered\.com/appreviews/529440"\},"price":"2026\-09\-22T15:07:16\.208385\+00:00","source":"steam","catalog":"2026\-09\-28T16:58:32\.455488\+00:00","country":"US","details":"2026\-09\-22T15:07:16\.208385\+00:00","players":"2026\-09\-22T15:07:17\.873263\+00:00","reviews":"2026\-09\-22T15:07:17\.596575\+00:00","language":"en","editorial":null,"membership":"store\_catalog","observations":\{"price":"a8eac940\-8b58\-4f67\-89a7\-aebc596a2a4f","catalog":"3deb9fe9\-8c8b\-4f21\-b2b6\-ecac09519e71","details":"615c1ca1\-ed28\-47e3\-8455\-6810ad648b8a","players":"cfffc45a\-4b30\-4e6b\-969e\-7ac7ef32fe9d","reviews":"464c9a6d\-b78f\-4b73\-adb8\-cb416b7c7949"\},"reviewFilters":\{"language":"all","review\_type":"all","purchase\_type":"all","filter\_offtopic\_activity":0\}\}

Native rating methodology: \{"count":0,"average":null,"entityId":"71f8d491\-0a51\-4b67\-82b1\-11478882f735","revision":0,"observedAt":null,"methodology":"arithmetic\-v1","distribution":\[0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0,0\]\}

Steam reviews are not Summer DB votes. Missing data is not zero. Player counts are observations, not historical peaks. A supplemental record does not establish that a game was delisted.

[Steam store](https://store.steampowered.com/app/529440/) · [JSON](/api/v1/games/71f8d491-0a51-4b67-82b1-11478882f735)